Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Well DOC is at it again, at least the CO's are. Brian is in a minimum custody yard. He should, by DOC policy, as a Phase III get unlimited phone calls, and full movement around the yard. NOPE! He shares a yard with Medium custody inmates and so the CO's treat the Min, as Med. It's not right. Now they are escorting inmates and only allowing one call per day. WHAT!!!?? Not they are messing with MY TIME! I don't get to go to Tucson nearly as much as I'd like, and phones are all we have (I have resigned to writing because I just am too dang lazy and that's all there is to that!) He can call me, and I can update him on everything that I wrote about 3 days ago and didn't get to finish the letter anyway.

I called the constituent family friends whatever they are, and the lady there doesn't know. It's always the same old lame excuse....BUDGET CONSTRAINTS, AND UNDER STAFFING!!! I am SO SICK and TIRED of hearing the same thing! You think I'd give up calling. She told me to call the ADW...and so I did. It's always a pleasant experience talking to Mr. A. He seems to not realise that this issue is happening. I wonder why? Is it because he really doesn't know, and the CO's are doing things like this behind his back? How can administration really not know that these things are going on? He told me that within the week there might be some changes, I suppose time will only tell. I, at least, appreciate that he was polite and seemed to agree with me. I usually get push back, that there is nothing going to be done to change the things that seem to make no sense.

On the home front, all is well I've been hitting the gym everyday twice a day doing some sort of Yoga, Pilate's, and Tai Chi, along with a group fitness class where we use weights, and a bit of cardio. My food intake has decreased as well as my emotional state has improved. I'm feeling better from the inside out. I have always been active and pretty healthy and strong but haven't always been the thinnest. I am very determined to loose the weight I have gained from all the fast food eating and emotional eating I have done since Brian has been in prison. It's time for ME!!!

I have enrolled in FULL TIME school and part time work. I have decided that I really just HATE insurance and that was a mistake I don't plan on repeating. If I have to go back to full time work I will go back to processing mortgages, since I am happy doing that type of work. I want to get my Masters in Psychology and my ultimate goal is to be an Art Therapist. This will take some time, but I'd rather achieve my dream and be older than be older and still dreaming. I have really done some soul searching lately and I think the meditation and the yoga have helped me focus in on letting go of anger, and loving myself.

I tried to visit Brian a few weeks ago, only to drive all the way down to Tucson to be turned around at the gate. I was with a few friends of ours and I felt like an idiot because I didn't check my phone and Brian had started calling me at about the time we left to let me know that there was not going to be visitation. I also had received a Google Alert on the fight in Tucson and it was posted on PTO....all of which I didn't check!! So I haven't seen Brian for some time now, and I do miss him. It's so hot and such a long drive and it's costly, so I will have to wait to see him until Sept. Calls will have to do, let's hope they get the phone issue straight and I will get more calls than just one a day!!

Brian seems to have low spirits and it concerns me. When someone is down and depressed you can't grow, and when you stop growing you are stagnant and that's not a good place to be when you're in prison. I hope that he is still doing scripture study, going to church, and taking time to pray....these are things I have a hard time keeping up with so I wonder if it's hard for him as well. God has blessed us with so much, He continues to work miracles in my life and I attest that to FAITH and His unconditional love for me and my family.


Kids are well Ashley my youngest was recently baptized and it was a great day for her and me. My niece was in the hospital with a possible deadly infection and is recovering wonderfully, she has no traces of infection at this point and has been released from the hospital. Again, The Lord's blessing is on her!

I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow, I did 5 hours of much needed yard work. I lost my Palo Verde Tree in the Monsoon storm a few days ago and had help getting that all cut up and put in the utility trailer. So I'm off to the dump to get rid of the entire tree...all that is left is a huge stump. I have some placement tests I have to complete and finish up with some last minute school stuff and a good work out topped off with some deep cleaning of my children's rooms....CAN'T WAIT!!!

Much Love!


Thursday, July 2, 2009

Missing Him So Much

Right now I'm so sad, I just miss my husband so much tonight. I want him to hold me and kiss me right now. I just want to fast forward his life and put mine on pause until he is released from prison. Why does this have to be so hard emotionally for me? He is the biggest part of my life and I can't talk to him when I want to, see him when I want to, touch him when or how I want to, all I have right now are his letters strewn about and his words are comfort to me. God please let him come home soon.